3 Powerful Relationship Insights That Made Me Stop and Think
Lessons in Love: How to Rise, Grow, and Thrive Together
I’ve always been fascinated by the dynamics of healthy, long-term relationships. After a few failed relationships of my own, I’ve realized something important about myself—I’m the type of person who refuses to repeat the same mistakes more than once. To me, if I’m not learning from my past, I’m not growing. And growth is what I’m after. This mindset has led me on a path to understanding the deeper truths about love—the one thing that everyone desires yet so few people truly prepare for.
What I’ve come to realize is that love isn’t just a feeling. It's a choice, an art that requires intention and effort. Too often, people talk about falling in love, but that phrase has never really sat well with me. Falling sounds like it hurts. Why go down when you can rise?
That’s why I prefer what I’ve recently heard described as rising in love—the idea that love is a conscious act of two people growing together, lifting each other higher as they navigate life’s challenges.
I first heard the phrase rising in love during an acupuncture and theta wave healing session with my shaman, Dr. Jonathon Lenahan (shout out to him!). After the session, we had one of those deep conversations where everything just clicks. He told me about the concept, explaining how love shouldn’t be something we accidentally fall into but rather something we consciously choose to rise through. It was like a revelation. Dr. Lenahan spoke about how rising in love is a practice—a way of evolving and expanding with another person, rather than being swept away by fleeting emotions.
This idea has completely reshaped my view of relationships. Instead of waiting for love to just happen or "falling" into it, I now believe in preparing for love, building the foundation, and creating a relationship where both people rise together. Love, approached this way, is an upward journey, a conscious choice to show up, grow, and lift each other up every single day. That’s the kind of love I’m seeking—one where we rise together, heal, and expand as individuals and as partners.
Ask Questions
There's something about seeing couples who genuinely respect and admire each other that inspires me. Over the years, I’ve made a habit of asking these couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, one simple question: What's your secret sauce to a fulfilling relationship?
Now, I don’t just ask anyone—I'm picky. Not every couple is thriving in a relationship I would want to emulate. I carefully choose those who speak highly of their partner, those who radiate respect, and who I genuinely admire. After all, it’s important to learn from those who share the same values.
Recently, three pieces of advice I’ve heard have really stuck with me, causing me to reflect on my own approach to love and connection. I’m excited to share these with you, along with some thought-provoking questions to help you reflect on your own relationships—whether you're in one or preparing for one in the future.
Cultivating Relationship Skills: It Starts Before the Title
Even though I’m not currently in a romantic relationship, these insights have deeply influenced how I approach my other relationships—both familial and platonic. I’ve come to realize that relationship skills aren’t something you can just switch on when you enter a romantic partnership; they need to be practiced in every connection you have. Whether it's being a better friend, sister, or future lover, the work starts now. I want to be someone who listens with compassion, communicates with clarity, and approaches every relationship with intention and respect. It’s about showing up fully for the people I care about, regardless of the title. By practicing these skills in my current relationships, I’m laying the groundwork to become the partner I aspire to be in the future.
1. Assume the Person You're in a Relationship With Has Your Best Interest at Heart
It can be easy to fall into the trap of second-guessing your partner’s intentions, especially when things get tough. However, one piece of advice I recently heard is that the foundation of any strong relationship is trust—and that means assuming your partner has your best interest at heart.
Think about it: starting with the belief that your partner is rooting for you creates a positive, trusting environment. When you approach disagreements or misunderstandings from this mindset, the conversations are less about blame and more about understanding each other. It helps to stop the spiral of negative thinking that can sometimes creep in and allows space for love to flourish.
Reflection Questions:
Do I approach my partner with the assumption that they have my best interest in mind, even during conflict?
How would our relationship change if I consciously adopted this mindset?
What evidence can I find in our relationship that shows my partner's intention to support me?
2. Your Edge Is Where Growth Happens
I’ve been thinking a lot about personal growth within relationships, and something that struck me recently is the idea that your edge—that point where you feel uncomfortable—is exactly where the most growth happens.
In moments of conflict or discomfort, it's natural for me to want to shut down or distance myself. But I’ve learned that leaning in, with compassion and curiosity, is where the magic happens. When I stretch myself to explore the difficult emotions, ask the tough questions, or offer even more love in challenging times, I evolve—not just as a partner but as a person.
When I feel like turning away, I’m learning to lean in. This is my edge, and every time I push past it, I grow. Relationships, after all, aren’t just about finding someone who makes you happy—they're about finding someone who helps you grow into the best version of yourself.
Reflection Questions:
What are the moments in my relationship where I feel the most uncomfortable, and how can I lean into them?
How might my relationship improve if I approached my edge with curiosity rather than avoidance?
What have I learned about myself through the challenges in my relationships?
3. Gratitude Is the Key to Longevity
Last night, I attended a Dan + Shay concert where Jake Owen opened. During his set, he shared a beautiful story about his grandparents, who have been married for over 70 years. When asked about the secret to their lasting marriage, his grandparents simply said, gratitude.
Gratitude is easy to overlook in the hustle and bustle of life. It’s simple to focus on what’s wrong or what could be better. But when we take the time to be thankful for our partner—for the small things, the efforts, and even the lessons learned through hard times—it transforms how we show up in the relationship. Gratitude breeds positivity, and it helps to remind us of why we are in relation in the first place.
Relationships require effort, but they are rewarding. Gratitude fuels this effort, keeping both parties grounded in appreciation rather than resentment. When we make it a habit to focus on the positive, it builds a foundation for a relationship that can truly last a lifetime.
Reflection Questions:
How often do I express gratitude toward my partner, and how does that affect our relationship?
What are three things I’m genuinely grateful for about my partner today?
How would practicing daily gratitude shift the dynamics in our relationship?
The One Thing I’m Searching For: Supportive Growth and Expansion
Above all else, one thing I’m deeply searching for in my next relationship is supportive growth and expansion. For me, it’s essential to be with someone who not only supports my personal growth but who is also committed to their own. Relationships are a powerful container for transformation, and I believe that being with a partner who is open to evolving alongside me creates a space for both individuals to reach new heights. I want a relationship where we challenge each other to be better, inspire one another, and provide the nurturing ground where we can both flourish. That kind of mutual growth is the foundation for a lasting, fulfilling connection.
I hope these insights resonate with you as much as they did with me. Relationships are a journey, and like any journey, they come with challenges, growth opportunities, and immense rewards. I’d love to hear your thoughts—what have you found to be the key to a healthy and fulfilling relationship?
Final Thoughts:
The more I reflect, the more I realize that healthy relationships aren’t just about finding someone to share life with; they’re about becoming a better version of yourself through the love, challenges, and gratitude you experience together.