Almost Forever: Today Would Have Been My 4-Year Anniversary

Reflections on the man I once loved and the vow I took instead.

10/10/2020 was a good date. In fact, it was a “perfect date” for a wedding. Especially for someone like myself who believed in synchronicities and numerology. The “perfect date” somehow made me believe that it would help seal in the “perfect marriage”, a milestone in my “perfect life”. After all, if you live life by a predetermined plan, that will guarantee happiness, right?

The wedding didn’t happen, what did was actually the most perfect thing for me. The past four years have been the most delicious and juicy homecoming. A sweet (albeit, messy at times) unraveling of the girl I thought I once was and the creation of the woman I am so proud to be.

10/10 now is a day of reflection. A day of gratitude for a 10 year relationship that set the foundation of this current version of Kim. A day to give thanks to Dan and my former self. A day to be in the past, present, and future.

There are certain dates or places from former relationships that may stick out to you. They mean whatever meaning you prescribe to them. It’s been an intentional practice to find gratitude in the spaces and dates that you once shared with another human being.

Here’s a belief I’ve come to prescribe to: hurt, resentment, and anger only adds to the heaviness of one’s heart—and that takes a lot of effort to carry around.

My heart hasn’t always been so light.

The first two years I carried a lot of resentment and frustration.

• I was mad that I allowed myself to stay in something that wasn’t aligned for me.

• I was mad that he couldn’t be the man I wanted him to be.

• I was mad that my childhood set the standard for romantic relationships.

But over time, my heart softened and I softened—-and in doing so, life began to flow effortlessly again. Below are my top four reflections:

1. Gratitude —gratitude has the power to transform. It is an intentional act and may seem foreign at first, but every time you look for things to be grateful, you are engaging in a deliberate act of re-framing and re-focusing. It’s so easy to dwell in a pool of negativity and blame. Below are somethings I am most grateful for from my time with Dan:

   1. Thank you for teaching me how important friendship is in a romantic relationship.

   2. Thank you for teaching me all about health and fitness. You showed me the magic of physical fitness which led me to become a personal trainer, fitness instructor, and coach.

   3. Thank you for always making an effort to spend time with my family. It as through our relationship that I began to heal a lot of my familial relationships.

2. Dance —Joy & Expression

   Since 2020, I’ve discovered something I never realized I needed—dance. Dan never wanted to dance with me (in fact he was very against a choreographed first dance), and looking back, I see how that mirrored other rigid parts of our relationship. Now, as I move, I’m finally doing something purely for myself. Dance has become a way for me to connect with my femininity, to express myself freely, and to be fully present in my body. I’ve learned to flow, to play, and to have fun in a way that felt impossible before. The version of me with Dan was so rigid, locked into expectations and roles. I don’t think I could have danced the way I do now back then—there’s less rigidity in my spirit, more freedom in my movements, and a deeper connection to who I truly am.

   This new sense of flow and flexibility has also shifted what I value in relationships. After years of feeling confined, I now look for partners who can move with me—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I see now that a relationship should feel like a dance, where both partners are able to adapt and grow together. People who are stuck in their ways—who resist change or cling to old patterns—are not for me. I want someone who can flow through life with me, not someone who stays rigid, because that flexibility is essential for a partnership that thrives.

3. Purpose

   The more clear I get on my purpose, the more intentional I become about the people I surround myself with. I want to be in the company of those who are on their own pursuit of purpose, driven by something meaningful. We have only one life—what are you dedicating it to? Are you pouring your energy into something that matters, or are you moving through life on autopilot, letting the days slip by without intention? Life is rich, but only if you know what you’re looking for. When you have that sense of purpose, every moment feels more vibrant, more full, because you know exactly where you're headed and why. Those who understand this are the people I want by my side, because they're not just existing—they're truly living.

4. What’s Best for Me

   I’ve come to a place where I now ask, “What’s best for me?” I’ve learned to practice alignment, no longer putting others’ needs and wants above my own in ways that are detrimental to my health, wealth, wellness, or the woman I’m becoming. I’ve realized that to truly be of service, I have to honor myself first. It’s not selfish—it’s an act of love. By asking what’s best for me, I’m ensuring that the version of me I give to others is whole, grounded, and aligned. That’s the true gift—to offer the people in my life the best version of me, one that is nurtured, cared for, and thriving.

Happy 10/10.